Believing In Connection, Peppy Showed Me The Door!

I’m writing and sharing today’s blog in honor of my friend and mentor Carolyn Resnick.  Carolyn, thank you for sharing your wonderful gift of life, magic, connection, and belief in horses with me and the world! 

We have all seen the beautiful pictures of a woman with the long flowing hair galloping through a field of wild flowers on a horse with a long flowing mane at liberty with no tack.  Her face is serene.  The horse has its ears perked forward and amazing freedom of movement in his gait. That image creates a yearning in our hearts to experience that same state of oneness and freedom!  I realize now that I had somehow formed the belief that this was something only reserved for the elite few horse people.  This level of partnership was elusive and unattainable by the average horse/human combo.  As I looked deeper into this belief over the past few years I saw that a piece of me didn’t believe that I even deserved the desire to want that fairy tale relationship.  With all my classical training and background, I still didn’t believe that was real.  The little voice in my head said – that picture or movie clip was a “trick” training and not grown out of partnership.  Crazy town right, but negative beliefs rarely are based in rational thought. 🙂

However, since diving down the rabbit hole of allowing my horses (and myself) the freedom to share their voice in our relationship completely, I have been challenging that old negative belief.  Why can’t any horse and human partnership grow their relationship to that level of trust and connection?  Why can’t I have that relationship?

Last week, on Friday, I was playing with the different horses in our herd.  Peppy wanted to go first and met me at the gate as I came out to get the first one.  Peppy has surprised me the most in his desire to grow and deepen our bond over the last 3 years.  He came to Unbridled Change detached and frantic under saddle.  He had been passed from show barn to show barn and had ended up in a summer camp program forced to give pony ride after pony ride.  The result was he was compliant with commands but did not offer any heart connections.  Once I started working with him through Carolyn Resnick’s water hole rituals he flourished!  Now, I have the goal of fine tuning our connection to bridleless, something I would never have even thought of before diving into the rabbit hole!

I had been giving the random gift of riding him at liberty one time before yesterday (for that story see my previous blog on freedom).  It wasn’t my plan at all to accomplish on Friday when he came into the ring.  My plan was to continue to work on the four leaf clover pattern to help him gain more confidence in the pattern.  Once he had confidence at walk, trot, and canter I would transfer to mounted work off seat, leg, and a neck rope cues.

We companion walked over to my grooming box.  I asked him to stand while I groomed him.  I then asked him to walk with me over to the pile of hay in the middle of the ring.  After just a few strides Peppy dropped and rolled right next to me, almost in mid stride.  Laughing, I put my hands on my hips and told him that I didn’t appreciate him undoing all my hard work grooming him!  He rolled back over and rolled up to his side and stopped.  He didn’t get up.  Instead he locked his eyes to mine.  He kept starting at me.  I wasn’t sure what he wanted.  I had been teaching another member of the herd to lay down on cue but not him.  Reaching down I petted his white star on his face.  He remained perfectly still.

I reached over and started to brush the bits of hay and dirt which clung to him from rolling.  Peppy bent his neck around to scratch a spot on his belly.  I copied his movement.  Talking softly I told him I would help him reach the itchy spot.  I leaned down to scratch it for him.  He still didn’t get up.

I felt a draw to sit down on him and enjoy the moment.  I continued to rub him all over – along his neck, behind the ears, and along his back.  Peppy closed his eyes and let out a long beautiful yawn.  He kept his head turned toward me as I spoke softly to him thanking him for this gift of stillness and the reminder to stay in the present moment.

A picture of him standing up with me still on him and us going for a walk together came to my mind.  I really don’t remember swinging my right leg over him and the next thing I knew he was standing up so smoothly and with a smoothness I have never felt before.  I braced for him to shake, but he didn’t.  Instead he turned his head toward me and looked me in the eye again.  I gently asked him to walk on and off he went.

We spent the next 20 minutes walking and working on the four leaf clover pattern.  We took little breaks here and there and then would return to the subject.  I slide down to the ground.  Once again, I was in awe that horses crave and want partnership and connection as much if not more then we do.  Horses want to be close to us.  They want to deepen the bond and push into the next level of vulnerability and willingness. They want us to step into the partnership and into a leader role.

I believe that every being wants that connection.  I didn’t believe that level of oneness was something I was worthy of.  No one told me that – I just developed that belief on my own based off of little moments of giving my power away.  Everyday I am shown by my horses that it isn’t true.  I am worthy – every being is worthy of connection and love.  I only have to make the choice to listen and believe that I’m worth it.  Once I’ve made the choice I need to act on that choice.  Carolyn told me things will not always look and be perfect, but just keep moving.  If you keep moving, you will see the magic all around us.

Peppy opened the door to the magic on Friday.  I’ve never been so grateful that I listened and walked through the door!