When The Student Is Ready, The Teacher Will Appear
A few weeks ago I had the amazing opportunity to spend a week one-on-one with my mentor, Carolyn Resnick. My goal for the clinic was to be present and open in mind, body, and heart for whatever Carolyn felt she should share with me. My mantra – go with the flow and be open 🙂.
The week was full of highlights, emotions, moments of challenge, moments of being seen and heard, learning, and exploring all aspects of life and horsemanship.
One highlight of this process was one morning that Carolyn had a plan J She had Firelight waiting in the arena (he is a beautiful Arabian that has energy to spare) she wanted to open the day with a mindfulness exercise to settle into the moment while she played music from a tribal group of horse people out of Russia. The music was surreal. It was hard to tell the difference between what sounds were recorded and what was real time. In just a few moments the “present” was interacting with the music. The birds seemed to be answering the bird sounds in the music. Firelight was calling back to the recorded horse calls as well. The sound of the horses cantering and calling seemed to surround us. Carolyn went out to be with Firelight. I wish I had a video of her spontaneous dance and training session that happened next. She moved with the energy effortlessly and brought Firelight into the dance with her. They danced around the arena with sends, draws, direction changes, bouncing, and many other movements that it took my breath away. I wrote in my journal that the air with electric and the music ceased to come from a CD but instead seemed to come from everything around us in fluid vibration.
Over the 5 days the saying, “When the student is ready the teacher will appear” rang true! The theme that she taught in both horsemanship skills and personal development was being open to the whole range of emotions – truly open and present. The range of emotions that make up truly embracing life are endless – fear, hurt, love, joy, excitement, worry, anxiety, happiness, gratefulness and so on.
One of my old deeply rooted patterns of life was trying to brace against or grasp on to any one of these emotions to try and prevent “future” pain. All that pattern did was take me out of the moment and I would become stuck. Years ago, I learned the alternative to grasping or bracing was to move into the emotion. Instead of fighting the emotion, be open to it. What does it need to be seen and heard? Then you can allow it to run its course and move through it. During this clinic I was reminded there is a beginning, middle, and end to everything. We get in the way of the flow by trying to force it one way or the other.
On the last day I had a chance to dance with Firelight myself. In the dances we did I felt a range of emotions. Ending with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Gratitude to Carolyn for “showing up” in mind body and soul; being completely present and open with me. Gratitude to Firelight and Honey for being open to my request for connection. Gratitude to Cami, our lead therapist with Unbridled Change, for being willing to come and support me through the process.
What did that week give me? I was given an immense amount of knowledge to help our horses and our program – awesome that was the main “goal” for the trip. However, what I cherish from that trip is something different. It is the connection I made with a person that I admire, respect, trust, knowing I am willing to be vulnerable with people I admire and look up to, and creating a deeper bond friendship/mentor for myself. I felt seen, heard, acknowledged, and was given the gift of being valued by the person I respect.
The clinic brought together all the pieces I have been working on for years. I had a chance to look in at my darkest shadows and shine light on them! I have restocked my emotional reserves and am ready to move beyond the boundaries I had made for myself in the past. As we were heading back across the country I sent out a little mental thought – watch out world I’m diving into the deep end and I’m ready to move beyond my old box!
In the weeks since being home – life is still crazy, work is crazy busy, my old nagging belief systems are actively being challenged left and right. What’s different then? I feel overall solid and grounded. Do I feel perfect? Absolutely not, but grounded. Fear is there – but not taking over the driver seat. Instead I’m inviting it in and giving it a glass of sweet tea and letting it know I have some house rules.🙂
I’m not sure what is the next step is. I can spend so much energy worrying about the next steps to reaching my goals. Why??? Because that is my shadow side of fear. The fear – to be a “good” person, you should make a plan and go step by step through it. This was a recipe for chasing my tail… Instead I’m going to start just taking the first step – being present – then taking a first step again. Let’s see where this new experiment takes me, Unbridled Change, and my family. 🙂
Wishing for all those reading this – may you feel happy, may you feel peace, and may you feel the love that is around you – Peace, Michelle
