How do we Create Lasting Change and True Healing?

There is a quote that almost every mindfulness and meditation teacher shares when first introducing the benefits of mindfulness, by Victor E. Frankl, who said:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Why is this such a powerful quote?

Frankl was an Austrian neurologist, psychologist, philosopher, and Holocaust survivor who founded logotherapy prior to being sentenced to a concentration camp. He continued to expand on his approach to both healing and life philosophy. His work and quote remind us that even when we don’t have the freedom to change our external circumstances, we always have a choice point between every stimulus and response to either say:

“Yes, I want to run an automatic response program.”
or
“No, I don’t want to run an automatic program.”

If I choose or default to running an automatic response program, nothing in me or how I’m working with a stimulus changes. I stay rooted in the same basic ideas, points of view, and ways of being that I had with that stimulus—resulting in no growth. Sometimes, our habitual choices are very supportive and in alignment with our highest good and benefit. However, oftentimes they are extremely restrictive and even cause harm to ourselves and others.

If I choose to step into that space in between and pause to lovingly challenge and explore my automatic responses, I have an opportunity to make a different choice. From the pause, I can see what other choices or alternative responses I could make in that moment, unbridling changes and growth. I unlock the opportunity to pick a choice that will help me best meet each moment as it truly is, free from the weight of the past influencing how I “need” to respond.

Being able to access the space in between helps us engage in what is happening right now, in the moment—especially during the tough moments—from a place of growth. It liberates our ability to respond free from old habits, perspectives, and protective programs that, while they once served us, no longer do.

This is what healing and spiritual development is all about—increasing our ability to access the space in between and, therefore, our true power to show up as we are being guided, free from old trauma and survival programs that no longer serve us.

So how do we access the space inbetween?  

I like to share with clients that we learn how to step into the space inbetween one step or stage at a time. 

Stage One - Mindful Pauses

Creating a wedge of awareness between a stimulus and response. Stage one is all about helping our nervous system slow down automatic responses so that we can recognize that there is a choice point. Pauses at this stage fall under the category of “mindful” pauses, which help build greater tolerance to observe and acknowledge our system. Here are examples of the top mindful pauses I teach clients:

• 5 Senses Check-In: The primary goal of this pause is to help stop yourself from escalating into a flight, fight, or freeze response and to remind yourself that you can stay present even in the midst of a “stressor.” Examples of this are:
  
  
  • 5 things I can see right now
  • 4 things I can hear right now
  • 3 things I can feel right now
  • 2 things I can smell right now
  • 1 thing I can taste right now

This type of pause literally stops your conscious mind from running away into the past, mental escapes such as wishful thinking or avoidance, or getting lost in panic and anxiety.

• Body Scan: This pause is designed to help you notice what is happening in your body instead of numbing out or disconnecting as an automatic flight or freeze response. During this pause, simply observe and label the different physical sensations in the moment. For example, what do my head, neck, shoulders, arms, abdomen, hips, thighs, knees, shins, ankles, and feet feel like right now? What are the different somatic sensations in each section of the body? Doing a body scan helps you tune into what is happening in the present moment instead of escaping into your mind.
• Mindful Breath: This pause uses your breath as an anchor point to stop a habitual flight, fight, or shutdown response. I add one step to this practice that most people don’t: first, simply notice what is happening with your breathing at this time. After a moment of observation, become mindful of your breath flow. Follow it, allowing yourself to release attachments to thinking or sensing anything but the breath.
• Movement/Space Break: This pause is designed to help address the desire to run or fight in your system in a healthy way. When you realize you are having a charged reaction or are about to respond in a way you don’t wish to, take a pause. Remove yourself from the stimulus so that you can walk it off, shake it off, and let go of the need to target someone or something with your anger or fear.
• Tapping: This pause helps identify and acknowledge that you are having a “charged” response. This response might be a flight, fight, or shutdown reaction that is causing you to feel cut off from your inner wisdom and choice.

What all these pauses have in common is that they are designed to help you reconnect and become aware of what is happening in the present moment so that you can access the space between a stimulus and a response.

Stage Two - The Sacred Pause

However, what stage one pauses do not do is help you enter into the space in between with an intention to connect with a new choice from the perspective of a healing presence or the eyes of the Sacred Witness. Stage one skills are beautiful tools for the first step—creating a conscious wedge of awareness between a trigger and a response and helping us recognize that we are having an automatic response. Yet, to truly gain access to the power of our choice, as Frankl said, we must be willing to enter what I call a sacred pause.

What is a sacred pause? 

A sacred pause is a conscious choice to step into the space in between with a desire to witness, dialog, and seek the choice that will best serve you and the whole in that moment. Here are just a few more characteristics of a sacred pause:

• You are willing to approach your inner world with the Soul Medicine of Understanding and dialog, engaging in a conversation instead of just observing, labeling, and simply validating or acknowledging feelings and thoughts.
• Witnessing: The type of observation you “do” during a pause is witnessing. This means being willing to let what you are connecting with and witnessing inform you, guide you, and ultimately give you the choice to potentially break from old points of view, habits, and choices. This includes a willingness to get curious about what your automatic response is, where it came from, and honoring its perspective of how it believes it is helping you.
• Approaching everything happening in the present moment from a place of willingness to see and offer blessing instead of cursing. This means engaging in inner dialog without seeking to prove why something shouldn’t be the way it is or assigning blame and judgment. Instead, adopting the inner stance that what is happening is neither good nor bad, right nor wrong—it just is.

Sacred Pauses shift from the skill of mindfulness into the realm of contemplation and seeking self-knowledge.

Through our willingness to take the skills of observation and become aware of what is happening in the present moment from Stage One practices, we can begin to engage in Stage Two practices. These create the doorway for us to compassionately challenge the ways in which we habitually act, think, and hold our world together, allowing us to consciously choose to expand, grow, and free ourselves from the weight of the past controlling and dictating our future.

I’ll share more about what happens in a sacred pause in the next blog. For now, I invite you to explore your system’s willingness to shift from Stage One—observing and awareness—to Stage Two—acceptance and understanding. This shift allows us to open up to the next stage of choice: aligned, committed action.

If you would like additional support with this transition, check out episode 28 of the Soulful Practices Podcast, where I dive deeper and walk you through a sample practice and exploration into the different levels of willingness that might—or might not—be present with the idea of Sacred Pauses.

• Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/ZYkpBD0yq5o
• Listen on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3SsEwNf

Offering light, love, and JOY on your journey,