Story of the Reluctant Mindfulness Teacher
If you met me over 12 years ago I would have been the last person on earth you would have thought would have a daily mindfulness and reflection practice let alone teaching mindfulness and meditation classes. BUT fast forward and here we are, opening up and adding in stand-alone equine partnered mindfulness and meditation classes to Unbridled Change’s services!
So how did I shift from thinking “mindfulness” was a bunch of buzz words and hogwash 12 years ago to now being one of its biggest advocates? Long story short, because I had tried everything else to help support my body that I was running ragged and into the ground and nothing really worked until I added in my practice.
About 10 years ago my body had enough of my hectic disorganized internal rhythm and pushed back and said enough was enough. At the time I “looked” like the optimal specimen of health – I ate well, exercised, loved my job (Unbridled Change was about 2 years old), family was great and overall everything was great. The problem was I was not able to be present and enjoy any of it. I was always thinking ahead of what my to-do list was and so on. I was EVERYWHERE but present. As a result, I was missing my life, getting swept up in guilt and shame for missing my life, and feeling like I just needed to work harder to make sure I had “time” to be present. Then my body hit the panic button. It decided it was time to no longer allow me to push and I ended up with some serious heart issues. Because all “levels” were within the range there was not a med that would help bring me back into balance. The doctors suggested I learn how to slow down and “manage” my stress better, maybe get a hobby or not work so hard. PROBLEM, I didn’t have a clue of HOW to do that. Not to mention my body wasn’t really wired for that rhythm and whenever I did try to “relax” I just felt more threatened due to my trauma past.
But like the good soldier I was at the time, I followed orders and started to look more closely at this “mindfulness and mediation” stuff. It was then that I met an amazing teacher that told me I was coming at mindfulness from the wrong door for me. For me, I had to give my mind and body something to do – she called it a little “coyote” medicine. She asked if there was any place in my life that I was able to bring in and embody the different skills of mindfulness. Instantly I answered I did when I was working and connecting with my horses or while working in client sessions with the horses.
Next, she asked, how do I “act” when I’m in connection with horses and in my client sessions? The answer was:
- I slow down,
- I release myself from reaching a goal and instead open myself to experience what is present and happening right then,
- I release judgments and don’t jump to conclusions about what the horse or a client is or isn’t doing
- I soften my “eye” to see what is there and what invitations the horse is giving that I can be with and explore,
- I’m curious and compassionate,
- I’m willing to just be there in support and connection
- I’m willing to show up as needed for that moment – not striving for performance,
- and I know that when I do show up this way I’m also allowing my horses or the client to give themselves the same gifts of presence.
To my surprise, I realized at that moment that horses had actually taught me EVERY skill and principle for being “mindful”! Every guided meditation and activity that was in the course I was taking I had actually already learned through being in connection with my horses and I was actually able to DO in a part of my life already.
However, the piece I was missing and not doing was bringing those skills into my everyday life with intention and not just leaving them in the pasture.
I decided to try a little of the “coyote” medicine and play a little game with my mind – I challenged myself to see and interact with every being I come in contact like a horse. The result – I finally started to drop into connection in my life. I began to feel safe in connection. I was able to see clearly where it was in balance and where I wanted to shift and change things. Instead of bringing a drill sergeant and a good soldier archetype to the table of my life, I opened to exploring compassion and love with myself and to others through the archetype of being a “companion”. It wasn’t instant gumdrops and roses, but slowly I started to feel more and more centered, balanced, and able to deepen and grow my practice which to me was the art of learning how to show up as the real me – the me I had previously really only shared when I was around horses.
I dove deep in, became a certified mindfulness and meditation teacher and incorporated the skills of mindfulness-based stress reduction into our equine partnered psychotherapy and coaching session via the ACT model (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). I went from resisting EVERYTHING there was around mindfulness and meditation to LOVING teaching and watching how these skills help others find and share their true selves as well!
Now 10 years later, I still have my daily practice and every day the horses help me deepen my understanding of the art of being present and showing up as me. My hope and dream of where this journey will go next? Expanding the practice and teaching of being in partnership with horses to more and more people looking for a different way of “being” in their life as well.
I’m super excited to announce that we are expanding Unbridled Change’s services outside of our traditional Equine Partnered Psychotherapy sessions to include mindfulness and meditation classes for the general public. To check out a full list of the programs, services, and workshops/trainings we offer, check out our programs page.
What to unlock your inner Zen? Join us for a class or two or three! Trust me, if this reluctant student of mindfulness can find her Zen you can too and we would love to support you on your journey!
