In the End, Only Three Things Matter

“In the end, just three things matter: 
How well we have lived, 
How well we have loved, 
And how well we have learned to let go.”
- Jack Kornfield -

This month, my relationship with time has been on my mind. My oldest daughter turned 16, I just turned 47, and Unbridled Change is turning 16 too!

For those who caught that—yes, I had my first child and started Unbridled Change in the same month. A bit crazy, I know, and trust me, it wasn’t planned that way. Yet, I’ve learned not to fight against Divine Timing! And yes, I’m celebrating being on this earth for 47 years. I know that some people like to hide or smudge the edges of their age. However, after not knowing if I was going to make it to 40, each year I add another candle to my gluten-free cake, I feel incredibly grateful and blessed.

There is a gift that can come forward from either living through a serious illness or being in connection with a Being that is walking through one. However, the gift is often one that gets discarded quickly, if it is even unwrapped at all. Walking with any type of chronic or serious illness or injury gives us an opportunity to embrace a willingness to engage with life, death, and impermanence all at the same time. They ask you to directly let go of our illusions that time, health, and well-being are always available to us—because they are not. And it also invites us into the greatest question for liberating ourselves: are we willing to live and love even if we are not perfect, in pain, or not going to be here in the next moment?

These are the questions of living, and to me, wellness. Yes, I want my physical body to have as much health as possible. And yes, I want to have as much abundance and wellness as possible physically, emotionally, financially, relationally, and in my work. However, the physical state of any of these is not a true reflection of our well-being. That comes from what Jack Kornfield is inviting us into with his quote—how well we engage with life, love, and letting go.

I’m remembering a conversation I had with my oldest daughter when it looked like the cancer in my body would overcome me. She asked what she would do without me. My heart hurt so much for her, her sister, and myself to think of that possibility. Yet, it was real—at any moment, my body might not keep being able to function. I didn’t know how to answer her and let a silent prayer leave my heart, asking for support on how to meet her question with authentic words. I was so grateful for the words that channeled through for her and myself in that moment, which I captured in my journal afterward: “When I pass, whether it is now or many years from now, it will hurt. It will be hard, and you will live. You will cry. You will have moments of laughter. There will be moments where you think of me as I was. And there will be moments where you don’t think of me at all. You will live a full and beautiful life. A part of me will be with you always—there to listen, there to cheer you on, and there to hold you. You will be okay, even if it doesn’t feel like it at times.”

As I sat recording that conversation in my journal, I created a grief and love practice that I still have today. I saw the invitation of the three things that matter in the end so clearly. Here is the rest of my journal entry from that day:

“Each moment is a gift. Each moment is an opportunity for us to fully engage with what is present and to not hide from the potential of pain, embarrassment, or disappointment. Each moment and the choices we make in those moments are all we really have. There are no guarantees for the next moment, whether I’m healthy or not, whether I bless myself for protection or not. Our life and our contracts are what they are. None of us know what the next moment will bring. Even if death isn’t actively present around me in that moment from an illness or the result of a long-lived life coming to its end—it is always present. Why wait for death to be present in current or imminent loss to engage fully with life and to unshield my heart to love fully? There will always be moments of immense pain, disappointment, and feeling completely lost whether I engage fully with living and loving or not. I might as well dive in! I agree to be with myself and others as we are right now in this moment, because the Soul Level truth is there is nothing else but now.”

There is one main theme to engage with Jack’s quote about the only three things that matter: letting go of all the expectations we have about what we think we need to live and love fully. If we can do that, everything else takes care of itself.

I explore the process of letting go more deeply in Episode 16 of the Soulful Practices Podcast. I invite you to join me in that space and engage fully in living, loving, and letting go.

Blessing for Living and Loving Well:

Today, I open to the life and love that is present and available to me right now, without the need for an influx of time, treasure, or resources.

I lovingly ask for Reiki Light to help me let go of any old thoughts, fears, or past pains that block me from fully living and loving as I am right now, to the best of my ability.

And so it is—Peace, peace, peace!