What is Protective Self-Auditing?

One of the biggest hidden blocks that impacts our ability to connect with Parts of ourselves, our life, and others the way that we want to is a protective pattern that I call “messy” self-auditing or editing.  

When we are in the act of protective or messy self-editing, we are severing our ability to connect with pretty much anything to the point that we hobble ourselves and limit our ability to be in motion with our own lives the way in which our Heart is yearning for.  

Whereas, healthy self-reflection and editing is a great skill set to have. When we are able to connect with healthy self-editing, we have the ability to witness our different thoughts, feelings, and desires with discernment of when, how, and who to share them with in helpful ways that bring balance and not harm. In fact, the more we are willing to be in connection with the different Parts of ourselves, the more we can actively improve our ability to walk with clean self-reflection and editing. 

However, most of us are not engaging in healthy or “clean” self-reflection because we have old protective patterns rooted in survival and trauma responses that keep us locked in inner battles with messy self-corrections and edits. Messy self-auditing can run us ragged behind the scenes with harsh inner criticism, fears, and doubts that keep us hemorrhaging out all our creative energy to try to craft the perfect offering, words, or action. Resulting in tons of time and energy pre and re-thinking anything and everything we want to say, do, or act on. Constantly shifting, changing, and moulding ourselves into something and someone that we “think” will be more appealing and appropriate before we are willing to be in connection with an aspect of ourselves or another.

Author and speaker Africa Brooke calls this self-censorship in her book, The Third Perspective, defining self-censorship as “when you silence your own voice and hold back thoughts, feelings, or knowledge out of fear, doubt, or the desire to fit in.” 

I recently recorded a new podcast episode on Soulful Practice Podcast that dives deep into my own journey of becoming aware of messy self-editing, and my journey to break free from those patterns so that I could step into clean or healthy self-auditing. 

You can check out the full episode on either YouTube or Spotify. 

One of the main ways to break the hold that fear, doubt, or desire to fit in at all costs is to be able and offer ourselves the Medicine of Forgiveness. 

This might sound like an odd medicine to support you in breaking free from constantly overthinking, or rethinking, or editing yourself before you can even step into motion, and yet if you feel into it you will see why it is a key component in healing the wounds that create this protective pattern in the first place. 

Compassionately ask yourself:

• Can I give myself permission to offer myself love, grace, and compassion for different past missteps in my life?

• Can I soften my judgments linked to any regrets or choices that I made for whatever reason that Parts of my view impacted me or another in a negative way? 

• Do I believe I have a right to move on and start anew after a misstep or hurting myself or another from my choices?  

All of these questions are rooted in the Medicine of Forgiveness. And all of these questions, if we don’t allow Forgiveness to flow to their answers, will hold us in messy self-editing, fears, doubts, and actions that are rooted in trying to never have the past happen again. 

You might be thinking, But Michelle, don’t we want to learn from our past missteps or choices that created harm in some way. Isn’t that a good thing? Great question, yes and no. Yes, we want to learn and understand more about what was driving us in those choices and tend to the wounded parts of us that were most likely driving us - clean self-reflection. And yes, take the knowledge and let it help us shift, change, and show up differently now and in the future, clean self-auditing and editing. And no. If we use that reflection to spur ourselves on to never again will I, I don’t ever want to give a person the ability to judge me that way again, those are messy, harsh, protective reflections that don’t allow the Medicine of Forgiveness to flow to ourselves. Therefore, the result is messy self-editing. 

Let’s put this into practice now!  

Take a look at this card from my upcoming Sacred Witness Oracle Deck:

Feel and open to the plant medicine of the Dogwood as an ambassador to the Medicine of Forgiveness.

How can it help you begin to release messy self-auditing? 

Write it down and set an Intention this week to bring awareness to when you are stuck in messy self-auditing and editing. 

Ask for Reiki energy to help guide your Attention to the ways in which you can support yourself in those moments with the Medicine of Forgiveness. Such as:

• Remembering to invite those parts of you that you are trying to control or change into a sacred dialog with the Sacred Witness within
• Be with you as you reflect and look for the Parts of you from the past and currently that you have disconnected from and now need your support.
• And giving yourself permission to be with the aspects of you that are uncomfortable so that they can share their unedited thoughts, feelings, and emotions so that you can move into, through, and release their hold they have on your Heart, Body, and Mind. 

From that point, ask for support in engaging in the flow of the choice points that are now illuminated and free for you to see with discernment and clean self-auditing. 

I’d love to know how this practice and/or podcast helps support you on your journey of courageously connecting with your True Self and releasing the protective pattern of messy self-auditing. 

Oh! If you haven’t had a chance to check out my newest publishing project, The Sacred Witness Oracle Suite, there is still time to sign up for our prelaunch list to be the first to know when we launch our upcoming Kickstarter campaign, where we will be offering the best pre-order pricing and amazing Kickstarter exclusive bonus items and gifts. 

Check it out and sign up today, we launch August 26th!