Being with the Fire of the Phoenix (Part 2)

In part one of our Phoenix series, I shared how we have a bit of a tricky relationship with the idea that in every ending there is a new beginning. We love the idea of this when we feel a sense of control and initiation, that we can predict what new beginning is forming and therefore have certainty that the ending will be worth it. 

However, that isn't the flow that true Phoenix moments are asking us to engage with. They invite us into mystical surrender, helping our mind release all its little vices of how we typically move through change. It calls to us to let go of trying to:

• figure things out
• make timelines
• anticipate new outcomes
• and curate who, what, when, why, and how we go from point A to point B

That old saying, out of the frying pan and into the fire, can feel very real and true when we find ourselves immersed in endings that we didn't plan or anticipate the depth and breadth of. And as the saying implies, we can often feel like our metaphoric house is burning down around us as we try to put out the fires in our lives, preserve the structure of our well-crafted lives, and ultimately try to rebuild what we had. 

Yet the transformational fire of the Phoenix isn't trying to maintain the old form. It is instead looking to help clear away the old form and create room for "new delights," like Rumi says in his famous poem on mystical surrender and welcoming, "The Guest House."

Welcoming the Guests 

What I love about his poem is that it helps us hold the chaos of these moments with more compassion and, dare I say, even joy.

Take a moment and open to a translation of Rumi's Guest House by Kabir Helminski, a Western-born Sufi Shaikh in the Mevlevi Order. His version of the Guest House, first published in the Rumi Collection, Threshold Books, 1998, is a bit different than some translations:

Every day, and every moment, a thought comes
like an honored guest into your heart.
My soul, regard each thought as a person,
for every person’s value is in the thought they hold.

If a sorrowful thought stands in the way,
it is also preparing the way for joy.
It furiously sweeps your house clean,
in order that some new joy may appear from the Source.
It scatters the withered leaves from the bough of the heart,
in order that fresh green leaves might grow.
It uproots the old joy so that
a new joy may enter from Beyond. 

Sorrow pulls up the rotten root
that was veiled from sight.
Whatever sorrow takes away or causes the heart to shed,
it puts something better in its place…
 

Once I found this translation of Rumi's poem, it helped my mind remember there is a "better" way to meet the fire of divine chaos. I can try to block the door and disrespect the thoughts, emotions, and experiences that I'm having in a moment, but that will only lead to exhaustion and a feeling of being assaulted by what is at the door. Because it will sweep in and uproot everything. Not because it is trying to wreak havoc or disrespect me or my "house." It is actually trying to help me prepare for new joys. It is trying to help me let go of the old form that no longer has life force energy, even if I wholeheartedly want it to. But if I can greet it, honor it, and move with it as it sweeps my house clean, I will be able to see what is happening and what is wanting to be born in a totally new way. I can shift from feeling burned to feeling supported, knowing that what is happening was sent to me by the divine as a messenger for blessings yet to come.

When the Phoenix Fire Became Personal

Over the last few months, unexpected "guests" in my life have ushered in endings and new beginnings I never imagined I would be engaging with. In three short months, I have had to completely dismantle a life that I had been guided to create over the past twenty years and let it "die." I wasn't being asked to let go of one or two aspects of life as I knew it, but almost every rhythm, tenet, and structure that I loved and took delight in. Honestly, if you had asked me even a year ago if I ever saw myself without horses in my life, the equine side of my business, and not living in my own little slice of heaven held by the land and mountains, I would have answered you that I don't even know how to respond to a what-if like that because that would never happen! And yet, that is actually what happened. I would have also told you that if that was to happen I most likely wouldn't be functioning that well because the amount of grief and loss of that scenario would be too much.

Yet, that is the exact scenario I found myself in and, to my surprise, instead of feeling completely burned by the flames of complete transformation around me, I felt more connected, present, held, and an increase of inner faith and trust in the divine chaos that I was witnessing move in and through me. That doesn't mean it wasn't full of sorrow, pain, and crazy hard waves of grief. In those moments, when sorrow showed up at my doorstep, my mind would try to sweep in with doubts and worries about not being able to figure out how all the ten-thousand things would come together in a timeline that seemed unrealistic and unfair. Yet, Rumi's wisdom held me every day I woke up and welcomed the guests that were there. And in doing so, I realized with real energy of laughter and joy that instead of feeling burned alive by what was happening, I felt my physical body growing in strength, flexibility, and a felt sense of inner trust that this was all going to work out for the best for everyone. Instead of fighting the sorrow ripping at the boughs of my heart, my practice was to welcome each wave. Each time I managed to do so, I felt a joyfulness I didn't think could possibly be there, yet there it was – laughter in the midst of weeping. This unexpected joy and awe held me, guided me, and little by little I realized I could soften to the chaos, release any exhausting worry and tension, and stop hemorrhaging my energy trying to figure things out.

My job wasn't to be on top of things. My job was to step back, get out of the way, and let the Phoenix do its thing without trying to ensure everything was protected in the way my mind thought it should be. My only job was to stay in the listening without judgment so that I could move when, where, and how I felt guided. And if I could do that, I would be setting myself and those I was in stewardship of up for the new life the best I could.

The invitation from the Divine was to trust that every sorrow was “clearing” my heart with great love and care; it wasn't just tossing aside the aspects of my life that meant so much to me without care. If I could put my faith in that truth, loving kindness, I could see with the mystic’s heart that everything was being orchestrated to make way for the “new growth” that was already there, waiting for all of us – humans and non-humans- to say yes to.

Leaps of Faith 

The tricky part of being with the fire of Phoenix is that we can't see it in the moment how/when/where/who/why things will work out. But what we can do is feel it – the bubbling up of something yet to rise from the ashes and take on a new shape, new life, and new joys.

There was no way I could have been with myself, my girls, the horses, our clients, and all that was unfolding with that level of presence and faith if it weren’t for my spiritual practices. My ego and mind would have been hijacked by the sudden and automatic responses to being asked to let go so quickly and on such a large scale. I would have tumbled into and become caught in the struggle of hyper-reactive survival modes, trying to reason my way through a mystical, Divine process. If I hadn’t had my spiritual practices to hold me as a lifeline through what looked like a firestorm of my whole life, I would have ultimately been left physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually wrecked. I would have also harmed those around me by hampering the flow, grace, and support that were trying to make their way not only to me, but also to everyone affected by what was ending.

My willingness to walk with faith helped me maintain my connection to my Body, Heart, and Soul Beings. Each one was able to serve as a very real bridge of connection for my Mental Being. With every thought and story one of my personal Protectors brought to me each day – “I can’t do this; this isn’t fair; it is too much to ask; what will happen to ____; I will never be able to make this all work...” – I could feel a tangible presence supporting me, reminding me to breathe, open, welcome, and remember that I wasn’t alone and that this wasn’t a punishment or random act. This was the hand of the Divine letting me know that it was time to uproot old joys, celebrate them, and let them go. Even though parts of me might not believe it, there are new joys and delights waiting and wanting to fill my heart with experiences and new life that I would never have if I continued holding tightly to a now-rotting form of what was.

What Is Rising from the Ashes 

I’m not certain what shape that new form will take, yet I know it is there, beginning to move beneath the ashes of the life I had before. And while it is tempting to dive into the ashes, pull it out, and see if I can fast-forward through time to catch a glimpse of the mature form it will take and the life it will bring me, I’m resisting the urge.

My practice today is simple: to wake up each moment with gratitude and wonder, asking, “What new guests and joys will I be gifted the opportunity to engage with today?” I trust that whatever and whoever they are, they have been sent from beyond to make room for love and delight, ultimately freeing me to experience the joy of life. And when I find myself caught in the struggle of the mind, I can laugh, give myself grace, and simply welcome that moment, too, as I soften and say, “Well, hello friend. Welcome, and share your thoughts with me...”

If you would like to explore similar practices that can support you in building your own secure inner Bridge of Connection™ with your Mental Being, I invite you to join me for our upcoming Sacred Witness Immersion Workshop series, Befriending the Mental Being. Beginning in October 2026, the series will include six half-day Friday workshops through December 2026.

This beautiful workshop series offers the space, time, and invitations for deep reflection, integration, and, most importantly, welcoming thoughts as honored guests that can lead us toward new delights rather than something to be judged or controlled. Click here for more details and to join us.

If you find this blog after the live dates, no worries. We continually rotate through live classes, courses, and workshops to support you on your journey. Click here for a current list of our offerings and on-demand resources.